I closed my eyes and blew out the candles and wished with all my might, "I wish that Mummy and Daddy will be proud of me." It was the same wish every year and it's typical of children of the holocaust. Are we ever good enough? It surprised me to discover that there are personality characteristics shared by all of us.
This was a good thing to discover. Because, with this discovery comes a self-acceptance. And it enables a more meaningful connection with others. In other words, you're not as weird and different as you thought. It took me way too many years to discover this. This site will help you gain some insight much sooner, in a much shorter time than it took me.
"I'm thinking of creating a website about my mother," I dared to announce to only a few acquaintances. What do you think? Do you think I should go for it?" Of course I was really asking for encouragement but I was too timid admit that. Wouldn't you think they'd give some encouragement? Nope. Almost everyone told me no!
At least, I like to think so.
They told me, it's likely to be a dead-end project. It's too much work. I'm too old. Really? Does that sound like it's for my own good? Last thing I need is to be reminded of my age!
Or maybe they thought it would become too emotional for me.
They were sure right about that! I've almost quit several times already before even beginning. Building this site has opened a flood of feelings, ups and downs, an entire continuum of passions.
But I read about successful authors who kept writing in spite of so many rejections.
And so, in the face of all the negative advice, and without the encouragement which I craved, I plunged in anyway with this website.
My readings led me through a winding path of links from one site to another, to more research than I knew existed.
Perhaps, it was more history than I even wanted to know about. But I couldn't stop.
Each memory about my childhood and about my mother's personality turned out to be a new understanding about how she became the mother she was.
It's understandable that our mother-daughter relationship problems were typical of a family where the parents come from a different culture. If you have immigrant parents, you know this. The rules and restrictions and way of life in the country of origin are so different from Canada and from the U.S.
But now I realize there's another layer. Our family dynamics is not just about being immigrants. It's about being Jewish holocaust survivors.
I can no longer allow myself the comfort of remaining uninvolved.
Regardless of where my parents grew up, my Homeland is Toronto, Canada, diversity at its best. I love Toronto.
It's because I'm a retired Medical Doctor Psychotherapist but please don't hold that against me.
I love to dance. While I was growing up, my parents told me that dancing was frivolous and therefore rather a waste of time. Recently I discovered that my mother had also loved to dance. She had even won a local dance contest as a young teenager! But after the war, she felt that dancing was a pleasure she mustn't allow herself.
My most valuable asset is my sense of humour. That has certainly helped as I rediscovered my heritage. And it will definitely help as I continue to build this website.